I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
