does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
