why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He did a backflip because drugs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
