the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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