Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
