didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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