So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
