the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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