I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
