Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
