Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
