kristin has been a bad kristin
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
