I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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