The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
