it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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