i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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