There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
