got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
