would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
