Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
