it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
