You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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