ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
