Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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