After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
