i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
