marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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