is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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