Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
