then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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