i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
