Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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