On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
