My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
