An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
