yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
