I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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