you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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