how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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