If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
