Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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