What did we do last night that was yellow?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
