Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
