if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize