this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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