her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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