We're facebook friends in real life
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
