I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
