You really coming over, don't trick.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
