I can't watch pbs sober anymore
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
