There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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