So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
