I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
