Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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