Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
