i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
