My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
