Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I skipped work to stalk him.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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