Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize