I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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