last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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