i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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