a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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