I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
