a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
