I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
