I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's the barista slut.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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