So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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