I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
