i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
